Silent Treatment

What Is the Silent Treatment?

The silent treatment is the deliberate refusal to communicate with someone or the intentional ignoring of their presence during a conflict. Unlike simply being too overwhelmed to speak, it is characterized by an underlying intent to control or punish the other person.

Effects of the Silent Treatment

People on the receiving end of the silent treatment can experience intense anxiety, confusion, and helplessness. Not knowing what they did wrong, they are left anxiously waiting for the other person's response. This seriously undermines emotional safety in a relationship, and when repeated, it can erode the other person's self-esteem over time.

Why Do People Use the Silent Treatment?

People who use the silent treatment often find it difficult to express their feelings directly, or they may never have learned healthy ways to handle conflict. At times, it is also used as a means of controlling the other person.

Healthy Alternatives

It is perfectly okay to take a moment for yourself when emotions run high — but what matters is communicating that need by saying something like, "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now and need a little time." The key to a healthy relationship is not cutting off communication unilaterally, but showing a willingness to return to the conversation.

A word from Mindy: Silence can sometimes wound more deeply than words. Take a moment to reflect on how your silence might be affecting the other person. One heartfelt sentence can warm a relationship far more than a long stretch of silence ever could.