Back to Glossary
Relationships & Communication

Repair Attempt

Repair Attempt

A repair attempt is any small or large effort made during conflict to reconnect and steer the relationship back in a positive direction. It's a core element of healthy relationships, as highlighted by Dr. John Gottman.

Details

A repair attempt refers to any effort made during conflict or tension to stop negative interaction and redirect the relationship back toward a positive place.

What Is a Repair Attempt?

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship science, discovered that the difference between happy and unhappy couples lies not in whether they have conflict, but in whether their repair attempts succeed. Mindy believes these small gestures are the most important force in protecting a relationship.

Examples of Repair Attempts

  • Cracking a joke in the middle of an argument to ease the tension
  • Suggesting, 'Let's take a break and come back to this'
  • Reaching for your partner's hand or offering a hug
  • Being the first to say, 'I went too far — I'm sorry'
  • Saying 'I still love you' in the middle of a heated moment
  • Changing the subject or bringing up a shared interest
  • Why Repair Attempts Matter

  • Preventing escalation: They stop small disagreements from turning into major fights
  • Emotional safety: They build the trust that 'even when we fight, we'll be okay'
  • Relationship satisfaction: Couples with higher repair attempt success rates report greater happiness
  • Predicting divorce: Dr. Gottman found that failed repair attempts are a strong predictor of divorce
  • How to Make Repair Attempts Work

    Mindy wants to share what helps repair attempts land well.

  • Notice the attempt: Don't miss the reconciliation signals your partner is sending
  • Respond to the attempt: When your partner reaches out, don't turn away — receive it
  • Be the one to try first: It doesn't matter who starts. Find the courage to reach out
  • Build positive deposits daily: Maintaining a good relationship in everyday life makes repair attempts easier to receive during conflict
  • No relationship is perfect, but a relationship where both people are willing to reach back toward each other is more than enough.

    💡 Real-Life Example

    In the middle of a heated argument, one partner says, 'Hold on — I'm really upset right now. Can we take 10 minutes and then come back to this?' That's a repair attempt.

    Ad

    Want to talk more about "Repair Attempt"?

    Mindy is here to explore this topic with you and offer personalized advice

    Related Psychological Tests

    Explore tests related to this topic to understand yourself more deeply

    This content is for educational purposes and does not replace professional medical diagnosis.