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Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication is a way of talking that lets you honestly share your feelings and needs without blame or judgment. Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, it helps reduce conflict and allows people to understand each other more deeply.

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What is Nonviolent Communication?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication method developed by American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It's a way of speaking that honestly expresses your own feelings and needs while empathizing with the feelings and needs of others, without blaming or judging them.

The 4 Steps of Nonviolent Communication

NVC is built on four core components:

1. Observation

State only the facts as they are, without judgment or evaluation.

  • (✗) "You're always late." (judgment)
  • (✓) "You arrived 30 minutes after our agreed time today." (observation)
  • 2. Feeling

    Honestly express how you feel in that situation.

  • "While I was waiting, I felt worried and a little hurt."
  • 3. Need

    Share the unmet need behind that feeling.

  • "I want our time together to be treated as something precious."
  • 4. Request

    Make a specific, actionable request.

  • "If you think you'll be late next time, could you let me know in advance?"
  • Why Nonviolent Communication Transforms Relationships

    NVC shifts "It's your fault" accusations into "This is how I felt" self-expression. This keeps the other person from becoming defensive and opens them up to understanding your perspective. Ultimately, it allows both people to find solutions together while respecting each other's needs.

    Practicing Nonviolent Communication with Mindy

    Mindy believes that Nonviolent Communication is the warmest tool for protecting relationships. It may feel awkward at first, but try practicing one step at a time.

    If something uncomfortable comes up today, try speaking in the order of "Observation → Feeling → Need → Request." It doesn't have to be perfect. The very intention of not wanting to attack the other person is already the beginning of Nonviolent Communication.

    💡 Real-Life Example

    Instead of saying 'Why do you never do the dishes?', try saying: 'When I see dishes piling up in the sink (observation), I feel exhausted (feeling). I want us to share household chores fairly (need) — could we set up a dishwashing schedule? (request).' That's Nonviolent Communication in action.

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    Nonviolent Communication (Nonviolent Communication) | 마음스캔 심리학 용어사전