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Flying Monkeys

Flying Monkeys

Flying monkeys are people around a victim who are used by a manipulator as their agents to spy on, harass, or gather information about the victim. They carry out the manipulator's intentions, whether consciously or not.

Details

Flying monkeys is a psychology term referring to third parties used by a narcissist or manipulator to indirectly control a victim.

What Are Flying Monkeys?

Let's explore this together with Mindy. The term originates from the flying monkeys in the movie 'The Wizard of Oz,' who carry out the witch's commands on her behalf. In real life, flying monkeys are people who take the manipulator's side and execute the manipulator's intentions — whether they realize it or not. Family members, friends, coworkers — anyone can end up playing this role.

The Roles Flying Monkeys Play

  • Gathering information: They report back to the manipulator about the victim's current situation or emotional state
  • Delivering messages: They pass along things like 'They were talking about you' or 'They seem to be really struggling'
  • Pressuring and persuading: They try to convince the victim with lines like 'They've changed — just give them one more chance'
  • Social isolation: They spread negative rumors about the victim to cut them off from others

    • Why Do People Become Flying Monkeys?

    Most flying monkeys don't realize they're being used as tools of manipulation. They may be charmed by the manipulator, believe the manipulator's performance as the 'real victim,' or find themselves unconsciously taking sides while simply trying to stay neutral in a conflict.

    A Warm Word from Mindy

    If, after a breakup or conflict, people around you keep passing along a particular person's messages or urging you to reconcile, take a moment to think about where those actions are coming from. Only you can make your own decisions. The most important thing is to protect your own heart without being swayed by outside pressure.

    💡 Real-Life Example

    An ex-partner asks a mutual friend to keep checking in on what you've been up to, and has them deliver the message: 'They say they still love you.'

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    This content is for educational purposes and does not replace professional medical diagnosis.